The buggered queen in Giddings (at Tanglewood Park)
They came for the boy who pulled the sword from the stone. They expected a lowly station, a stable boy, something lie but not this. This mess…this kitchen, scullery boy? Such a mess!
There, cleaning dishes, pots, what is that? Feces?! Yuck! Chamber pots? With the dishes? What hell is this? Glad we ate before we came. Yuck! Hope we can all keep it…too late, our squire, what did he eat? That color, the chunks? They’re moving. Crunch! Got them all. Oh, back to the boy…
We approach, announce ourselves and state our mission, but are ignored at first. Perhaps the noise? One of the novices tap him on the shoulder. He jumps, a shrill hi and he stops his work.
“We have come for you, you pulled the sword out of the stone? We felt it.”
“That was weeks ago!”
“Yes, we have traveled far to find you..do you still have it?”
“Oh are you talking about the dart? I gave it back to the owner.”
“Ya, a fella was playing darts and he threw it and it got stuck I between the stones on the wall behind the dart board, he throws hard, but he couldn’t pull it out, no one could. So I bet I could, I had a good feeling, and it did and he was surprised and slapped me on the ass and gave me my winnings, along with the crowd, still all unbelieving..”
“He slapped you on the ass?”
“Ya, you don’t have tavern girls where you come from? Maybe it’s boys?”
“Ya, imma girl.”
“Why? Cause I pulled a dart out of a wall”
“We must be wrong!,” the group chimes in unison, “it can’t be a girl!?”
“Why not?! And who are you?”
“No matter, we must find this “fella” and at least retrieve the dart, was it made from steel from the sword?”
“Why do you keep asking after a sword and if I pulled it from a stone? Oh, that ancient beyond words legend, ah…but why can’t it be a girl again? I’ve been waiting my whole life to get outta here and you men come and I think, here’s my chance but no, “I’m a girl”’ extra shrill voice, “I couldn’t possibly be a proto Arthur, ready to vanquish dragons and save fair maidens or some such, and it can’t be a girl? Poppy cock!”
“How dare you?”
“Don’t fuss with HER, we have a dart to retrieve, let’s go…”
Off they go and the girl stands there smiles, pulls out a dart and cleans her teeth with it, having eaten a bite, while talking to the old ninnies and gets back to cleaning the pots. She thinks, what’s so special about a sword or a dart, though, the town mines the alloy and manufactures, swords, knives, darts, toys and trinkets made out do the stuff. Next they’ll tell me that one of our toys got stuck in our concrete and a special young man pull it out after the concrete hardened. Poppycock! They’re all the same, these high brows, looking for a special man to meet their needs, to “relieve their tensions”. A quest, a war or many, or just a nightclub, they all want a tough pretty boy in tights, ready to fight to the death, be it large or small. No girls allowed! Bah…hope john gives them a wallop or two before they are thrown out of town. And those border guards need to get better, rangers my ass, letting these nitwits through to bug the town, more every year. Do they get paid off?
A few more years, or maybe one big bet and I’m outta here, she thinks to herself. I kept my purity and integrity and that sword I’ve been training with May come in handy someday, imagine a sword just sitting out in the middle of a field, untouched, old legend indeed. Many others have come to try to pull it out and I finally did, just like the dart, but this sword and stone is not from round hea, been there longer than the town, and me.
Well, dishes, pots, pans and chamber pots, glad those are in a separate sink!